One of the silver linings of the quarantined remote learning I chose to focus on this year was that I could feed my child complete Indian meals at lunch (normally reserved for just dinner)!

I couldn’t believe it! Firstly, I surprised myself of being the typical Indian parent who places a huge degree of importance on food. Secondly, even though we are a family that eats different cuisines at home and thought it didn’t matter if my child took regular American fare for lunch, why was I so happy about the opportunity for Indian lunches at home now? This made me dig deeper into my own changing preferences in food and the all-too common experience of many immigrant children, known as lunchbox shaming and how it exists even today, in our well-connected multicultural world!

Of course, there are many factors such as where you live, your child’s personality etc. that could differentiate the school experience from being a mild one to a scorching one that has long lasting impacts in a child’s life. My own daughter takes Indian food to lunch occasionally and it has been well accepted mostly because of who she hangs out with and her own personality of “I don’t care what anyone thinks, I’ll take my favorite food” (Although off late, she prefers to take lunch that doesn’t get her too much attention). But not all immigrant children are surrounded by like-minded others or live in accepting communities and neither do they have the same defiant indifference throughout all stages of life (Most come to a state of acceptance and even grow to love it at a later stage).

So how do we address this problem in new ways so Indian food is as common as pasta or noodles? After all, those are ethnic foods too!

Let’s look at three typical ways that most of us choose to respond to the situation:

1. Easiest route – Play safe – keep the ethnic meals at home, standard American fare for school lunches and everyone stays happy.
2. Hardest route – Stubbornly send ethnic food to school and in time, everyone gets used to it. (Haven’t heard too many success stories here)
3. Middle route – Send less controversial ethnic food once in a while but mostly stick to standard American food (This has mostly been my way)

Apart from option 2, both options 1 and 3 have been effective for most of us in assimilating to an ‘American way of life’ and also in avoiding our child’s typical concerns of “why can’t I just take ‘normal’ food like everyone else?” “I don’t want to be seen as different” “I don’t want to answer any questions about my food” “I’d rather not have anyone notice while I’m eating” and so on.

Now what about the hardest route – option two, there may be some scope here for creating a ‘new normal’?

But why bother sending ethnic lunches and deal with any of this, when even at home, I eat lots of different cuisines?

The first two options haven’t really helped introduce Indian food into the cafeteria. Also, by taking the easier options, I wonder if we are truly helping our children cultivate an independent mindset? or contributing in any way to build a culturally rich, diverse society. Especially when you compare it with other ethnic foods like Italian that have become ‘mainstream’.

Consider this: Hasia R Diner in mapping the foodways of 20^th century Italian, Irish and Jewish immigrants to America illustrates how for Italian immigrants, their refusal to lose their “Italianness” would ironically catalyze the evolution of an Italian-American food culture based on a fusion of iconic Italian foods with American foods to create “a distinctive way of life in America.”

But how can we do this while shielding our children from typical immigrant stories of lunchroom experience or even aim to develop a sense of pride?

Here are five ways that are helpful in breaking stereotypes about Indian Food and develop a sense of pride:

Equip them with Information about Ethnic Food  

Knowing the ins and outs of Indian food and philosophy can go a long way in developing a sense of pride, having interesting conversations with friends, or even be armed with comeback phrases when required! For example, Spice is as addictive as sugar; Most Indian food is made up of six primary tastes (Sweet, Salty, Sour, Pungent and Astringent). India produces 70% of the World’s spices! Ghost pepper is 400 times hotter than tabasco sauce. All of this information is interesting for us to explore too as we revisit them with a fresh new perspective.

Find other Non-Indians who Love Indian Food

One of the aspects of being an immigrant is the need to belong in both cultures – so in addition to bonding with the ethnic community over food, it’s important to have a circle that shares your love for Indian food in a non-Indian way. This gives an opportunity to view your food from a multicultural perspective.

• Invite friend families over for dinner or potluck
• Arrange group cooking activities around prominent festivals such as Diwali and Holi.
• Try restaurants with Fusion Food with people who are starting out with Indian food

Spread Awareness at School

Lobby teachers to lunchroom issues so everyone is hyper-aware of respectful etiquette.

Volunteer to read books that discuss the problem in ways children can understand such as “Save me a Seat”, “Roti in my lunchbox” “Sandwich Swap”, “American as paneer pie”. My daughter’s elementary school had a day dedicated to tasting cuisines around the world, which was a great initiative but more events sprinkled throughout the year would help in making things more ‘normal’ instead of reserved for just one day in a year.

Discuss Indian in the Context of Other Cuisines

These days, most of us try and taste as many different cuisines as possible inside and outside of our home. (If you don’t already and stick primarily to Indian, maybe you should explore other cuisines just as you would want others to get familiar with your own food culture!) Don’t lose the opportunity to explore similarities and differences not just in flavors and textures of the food, but in terms of origins, habits and what stories they tell. For example, we have had discussions on how the Chinese drink hot tea with every meal not just for flavor but to also help in digestion. Kind of sharing the ‘food as medicine’ philosophy of Indian food.

Create more Fusion Food

This is the space where the bicultural edge can actually come into full play! Introducing Indian foods around comfort American food – paving the way for more of Indian cuisine to contribute in the truly multicultural world. Although there are many different restaurants that offer this today, nothing to beat experimenting at home! This can be a fun family activity and also help start many conversations around culture and food.

What better way than food as a powerful and fun way to create a sense of community, belonging, acceptance and identity.  For an immigrant, that sense of belonging and acceptance extends both ways – with the family and root culture, as well as the culture we live in.